Teacher Tip: Safewords

I've come to realize that most classroom "explosions" stems from miscommunications or misunderstandings.

Disclaimer: (I hate disclaimers, but I feel like this one is necessary.) Under no circumstances do I believe that there are any excuses that dismiss a child being disrespectful to an adult. Especially not in the classroom. No teacher should have to go to work and tolerate being disrespected by... well, anyone actually. However, I do believe there are certain tricks and tips teachers can have prepared to help them deescalate those stressful moments a little easier and a bit quicker.

We always train teachers not to take it personally when a student is disrespectful, but what we should be telling teachers is that they are professionals that don't deserve to be disrespected. The "Q-TIP" (Quit Taking It Personal) approach means well but has never been delivered in a way that didn't fully shift the responsibility of a student's bad behavior to the teacher. I do believe that it is important for teachers to remember that there are so many other outside factors that influence how students respond to stressful situations. Remembering this helps us guard our hearts from the negativity and abuse. Because, let's be honest, absorbing consistently disrespectful behavior can wear on your spirit.

One trick that has helped in my classroom with my students who struggle with behavior is creating a safeword. In a calm environment, I'll make an agreement with a student to have a safeword. They can use this word when they are feel like they are having trouble controlling their emotions. I let the student know that I might use our safe word when I'm not fully understanding why they are directing their negative behavior towards me. During this conversation we also determine what will happen when someone says the safeword: a trip to the bathroom, no more conversation until the next day, prearrange for the student to go to another teacher's class to calm down, or a trip to guidance. This helps to eliminate the need for conversation that is riddled with all of the negative emotions. We also set parameters around how often is appropriate for a safeword to be used. This helps students avoid abusing the safeword for inappropriate reasons. Over time I find that students start to gradually learn how to control their emotions without the safeword.